9월 해의 마무리, 시작의 시작

know what to do. 

at times you wonder if any is worth the trouble, because troubles get tiring. but then you realize, that you know what to do because you must. so you act. and initially you're nervous and excited; scared so you pretend. 

숨을 깊이 들이마시고,
공기 중에 있는 모든 축복이
당신의 몸속으로 들어와 세포 하나하나에
퍼지기를 기원하세요. 그리고 천천히 숨을
내쉬면서, 당신 주위로 많은 기쁨과 많은 평화를 
뿌려요. 이렇게 열 번을 반복합니다. 그러면 
당신 자신을 치유하고, 동시에 세상을
치유하는 데 일조할 겁니다.


- 파울로 코엘료 알레프

spend more time doing than concerning

3 ways a person can change

1. spend time differently 

2. be in a different location

3. meet different people

thinking to change does not change 

it feels lonely when you cut yourself out for them and it feels as if they wouldn't do so for you. and yet you continue to cut into your own for the sake of them, because it hurts less to let them cut you than to have you hurt them, and have them tell you that they hurt because of you. you tell them a and they say no. that a is not so, and that such is because of b. that there are other reasons and that you reasons are of less significance. 

to want something for self, and feel like it is selfishness when it should be a given. when wanting becomes, seems greed. when receiving requires request, is perhaps what loneliness means. realizing that even blunt requests lead to no change, defines loneness. mentioning an issue only to be reasoned, rather than it be heard nor accepted. 바람이 사치로 느껴짐이 외로움인가보다. 

i feel as if you do not love me, and that you simply need me for your sake. that you only want and favor me when i am happy and good to you. that my happiness is of no or of less significance. that your happiness comes from my good doings to you and much less of the reciprocal. 

to say things of no meaning, to exchange words insignificant.