가을지나 겨울 in progress

had a meeting with adviser --- applied for graduation and realized next quarter shall be a breeze. inspiration and motivation to stay strong and put best effort forth :) smile the day, love the hour. had a great lovely Thursday. perfect hour of elliptical at the IMA alongside watching television. came home to box of macaroons at my doorstep ! such a sweet and perfect gift, touched ! much love. had nice dinner with fish sticks and curry and black rice. walked over to Starbucks to study and savor the macaroons with tea. surprisingly he was here ! haven't seen him in about two weeks -- also surprisingly he said hi ! made my perfect evening unbelievably perfect :) many many reasons to smile. changjun emailed me the new epik high song. also talked to friends and grandma over the phone -- having the most absolute perfect day. Monday of last week of October. Plan change from library to Starbucks --- lead to satisfying results :) Wanted to see a certain someone, and indeed within minutes he showed ! Decided to take a year at home after graduation. Have faith in my decision --- I am certain that it will be a significant impact on myself as well as our family. Looking very so much forward to time spent at home. Also excited for my last quarter in Seattle. Not much school left to cover, so will be covering some other areas as well. Much reading, traveling, and learning anticipated. :) third day of November, unbelievable. Saturday morning - walked to school along with many others running. Certain someone failing to get out of bed for several days, and several days to come. i would call it laziness but could call it fatigue. regardless. was rather confident about midterms - but results not as satisfactory. shall burn more energy. all is rather well - completely pleased. the more comfortable, the less writing - rather great, no sarcasm. been through so much over the past five years. feel as though not much if anything could longer hinder me. want to graduate already and go home, to rest and hike every single day - all smiles and goods :) sick - haven't been sick in a long while, but regardless - sick. feels miserable and horrid. feeling i would never ever want ever. like the worst of worst hang overs, dizzy and regretful. must have been the exam stress along with being home alone. couldn't bring myself out into the cold and rain, ugh. a phone call cheered me up much but still ended up here. a dinner menu curve ball always throws me off, but it's been happening quite a few times lately - as being and not being home alone. was stressed the fuq out last night with exam and being sick and all. with the cold and fatigue and all .. feeling rather on the edge lately. along with much american television - many fuqs and shits running through the mind. take it as a signal to reflect on self. upon reflection, figure something is missing - conversation. emotional and physical contact with another person living being. exam day today and it'll be alright. no harm, no suffering. shall get myself to the gym after class - and meet up with a friend. another exam in two days, then a ballet show in the evening with a friend, followed by coffee with another. something to look forward to. all good and fine. doing things which promote happiness and comfort, fulfillment and accomplishment. perseverance all life long - live worthwhile. noticing the meaning in the sake of things. despiting the odds. prioritizing accordingly, organizing and managing for the best interest of self. remembering to be considerate to those near and far. feeling bunches better this evening. had a lovely dinner and walk and talk with a friend and another friend. must have been yesterday's walk through the rain and cold, along with fatigue and trivial irritations of the day. home alone this Wednesday evening, and am doing fine and alright. Friday and almost done - debating the gym. smile smile smile one more class to go. tired teeth and eyes. gets me super nervous - that's the word, nervous. throw the phone, cough the cough, gasp the hell out of me. not even sure what to make of the situation anymore. considerable length of time has passed and thus thing seem faded and unclear. the memories, images, references have blurred. 몇 일 혼란스러웠지만 다시 안정과 편안함을 찾았다. 가족들을 만났다 - 여름방학 후로 처음이다. 가깝지만 각자의 이유들로 만남은 드믈다. 여튼 창준과 함께 다시 모이게 되었다. 오랜만에 만난 얼굴들, 할머니는 보다 건강해보이셨고 고모부는 여전하였고 고모는 다소 피곤해보이셨다. 창준은 머리가 상당히 길었다. 구여운 녀석. 고모 댁에서도 거리감없이 지내는 모습에 감사하다. 다음 주 추수감사절 후로 몇 일은 나의 집에서 머물게 할 예정이다. 창준을 생각하니 마음이 편안해지고 미소가 지어든다. 기분이 좋다. '감사함'에 보다 비중을 두려한다. 나는 건강하고 가족과 친구들이 늘 함께한다. 학교도 생활도 부족함 없이 만족스럽다. 충분한 enough 인 것들에 지중을하니 마음이 편안해지고 즐겁다. 오늘의 오후 내일 내년 후년을 걱정 할 시간에 현재 할 수 있는 행동을 한다. 생각이 보다 정리되고 복잡함이 덜어진다. 잠을 못 자서 리듬이 틀어졌다. 일정 가득한 한 주로 머리가 복잡하다. 몇 시간을 누워서 잡념에 잡념만 쫓다가 날이 하얘졌다. 불면은 최악, 이지만 아무렇지 않은 듯 덤덤히 지내면 하루는 지나겠지. best came with the worst. happy and crazy as hell .. having many but simplistic thoughts on this Thanksgiving day. not feeling so well physically and mentally --- yet realize it's all good. better occupy self with simpler terms .. maybe do some homework. Its alright all is alright. At some point in time we all need to go home .. home not a geographical location but a spiritual. Can see why some are suicidal and its rather scary and calming .. which is pretty scary and calming .. living a day by day hour by hour - not wanting much. Trying to think of grander scale of things. Recognizing others near and far. Thinking outside of myself. Seems like the opposite pattern of thought since five years ago. Thanksgiving is here and all is well. Just different - not ordinary, extraordinary rather .. actually not so. Group of foreigners - seemingly Viet? completely unrecognizable language - at Starbucks. Introducing each other and themselves with names of Tasha and Josh .. an epic gone bland. Why I often feel the country to be absurd. Being Thanksgiving inevitably and unfortunately reminds me of previous Thanksgiving days. Years in Seattle have been rather gloom. Would rather have otherwise on many accounts. Leaves me today with just enough courage to speak vaguely of the past. Would wish I could fix and mend - but id not relive it. just remembered the language they were speaking - Indonesian! 

all the many and few things i wanted --- my only wish of the year. nearly granted. disrupted by irregularities of the holiday schedule. but so close and all is well alright. all good and right. worked on some homework and projects with cj at Starbucks in the morning. took off to a date with friend at Stanford and some shopping for office supplies. was a lovely Friday. had a doctor's appointment this morning for cj's sprained ankle. followed by a lovely lunch at Crabpot and few minutes of walk along the downtown pier. picked up few hot patches on the way home. walked to the IMA for an long procrastinated workout. Thanksgiving weekend has been unhealthy all the way .. need to be back on motivation track. picked up few bottles of sparkling water, apples, and oranges. horrid sugar obsession must stop. will admit bad habits remain, but much so better. grateful for progress. smile smile :)