january 시작아닌 시작, 매 순간이 시작

오랜만에 Gallagher library 방문, glad. 

fought over practically nothing. sad part was that it was about nothing worth a clatter and yet considered it normal, even substandard - crying profusely. 터무니가 없지만 그건 나일 뿐, give up, 바라지 않기 포기. 

나는 관리를 포기했구나, 매 순간의 나. 눈빛, 사회생활, 시선을 잡는 하나, 방청객, 선, 색감, 윤기, 향, 헤어, 쉬폰. 

have realized haven't been happy. there are ups and there are downs. at times it has no reason. so often we've tried to find reasons for our happiness and sad. to create the illusion of having control. but in perspective we are just treading on the wave, that must hill and hollow. our happiness is not only from the sun or the puppy. someone quoted how i met your mother saying 'when i'm sad, i just choose not to be sad and be awesome instead.' maybe it's not because of school and the weather and the longing of friends, or maybe it is, but it doesn't have to be.

this is what my life looks like - endless tables of names and indications and warnings.